The Asses in the Audience

Theatre is all about one’s ass, everything we know and love about the stage has everything to do with our asses. Its about how many asses are in the seats, how comfortable those asses are, whether those asses need to pee, whether how often they move, how sore they are, or even how much those asses paid to be there.

And let me make this abundantly clear, it is not about the actual audience members. The audience itself thinks too much, is too swayed by reviews of people they believe to be knowledgeable. Audiences Talk, answer their cell-phones, throw things at actors and they are almost universally know-it-all children. An audience is an exceedingly ungrateful lot. Their asses, however, are remarkably honest. An audience member may say that they loathed a show, but if their ass is happy, then the show was well made.


2 Comments on “The Asses in the Audience”

  1. Don’t forget to include the comfortableness of their attire. One can’t properly have their ass sit on a chair with uncomfortable wear. Cross their legs? Sit sideways?

    • Aha! but unless a director can tell their audience to dress comfortably (in which case people will invariably show up anyways in 6-inch heels, wool, and a miniskirt), then a director shouldn’t have to worry about it. Though it does sound like a good idea, “This is the Production Costume Designer, and this person here is the Audience’s Costume Designer”

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